Steroids Saved My Life

Episodes 8, 9, 10 & 11

2008-12-12T22:36:00.001-08:00

and now that we've come now to the end of things... Or, I thought so anyway. Through our often-erratic release schedule we encountered a unique dichotomy of support, both largely positive and equally negative at times. When we started out this experiment in July we knew the risks, knew full well what type of show we were and what controversy we were likely to stir up. The hate mail and anti-Peter comments were admittedly hard to swallow… for about a day, then I remembered what most people use the internet for: slandering other anonymously. Then I was fine. In truth I kind of got bored at certain intervals with the same negative comments over and over and wondered what had become of the once mighty Internet if it had become so repetitive and uninspired at one of its easiest and most favourite things: hating others for doing… anything.

We were at war with mindless YouTubers, and it was fun. We knew we were always in control because we were supplying the product, and as such directly influenced and moulded a large part of your responses by the way we presented the show. It’s the same thing essentially every show on television or film in theatres does: construct a product in a certain way to encourage the manifestation of both negative and positive opinions. Because if the product keeps people talking, keeps them actively engaged and thinking or talking about it then the chances of success are dramatically increased. It would be simply naive to consider the possibility that the media isn’t controlling our opinions, that we aren’t conditioned to react in one manner or another, and it was this notion that allowed us to keep our secrets close to our chest and kept us feeling comfortable that people would tune-in to each episode.

We got shut down on Facebook for “terms of use violation”, but when I thoroughly consulted their Terms page I found that we were by no means in violation of any of their terms of use and had been operating well within the limitations of their service. It was around this time that we noticed our videos were being flagged as “inappropriate” to YouTube, thus cutting down the number of potential viewers we could get because only persons with age-appropriate accounts could now view our show. We put two and two together and realized that some number of people had moved on from simple hater-comments and were now trying to rid the Internet of us, or at the very least limit who could see us. The Internet had answered our call and it was our turn to fight back. Research and advertising was done more than ever and the show was being promoted like never before, and we saw our hits rise to newer and greater heights!

That brings me to Episode 11, the finale episode, in which our message and intent became clear, all the dust was settled and mostly everything was revealed… for about a day. YouTube (proudly owned by Google) took this episode down for, you guessed it: CONTENT INAPPROPRIATE! Some episodes we were maybe a little risqué, or maybe employed a different sense of humour, or maybe made fun of some conventions, or whatever, the point is that how in the world did Episode 11 do anything THAT different from any of the other 10 episodes? Look, I’m not boo-hooing that my show’s finale got taken down because people (a lot of people) saw it, and more will see it, and they’ll see Episode 12 (the update/blooper episode), too. It’s just another example of someone not liking what they hear, not liking that their expected result wasn’t the actual one, not liking that we told it like it was, and they had to take it down. Spare me!

In my opinion we were delivering something unique to YouTube because we weren’t one of those shows with someone talking into his or her web cam (no offence intended to those of you who do this, I find many of your shows very entertaining and original in context just not in format), we tried to be a fully-produced original content webisode mini-series, and for those of you scoring at home: yes we have received broadcast offers. In closing I would like to thank the people who truly wanted to be a part of this physical and sociological experiment with us, those people who encouraged me through and through and offered genuine help, advice, and their stories for me along the way. I feel honoured and privileged to have been invited onto your computer screen over the past few months for a few minutes a day so that I could share my story. I would also like to thank Nenad and Shane for their continued help, support, and friendship. You guys are like brothers to me.

So, Internet, it’s been a nice ride, and for now anyway, I must quietly step aside, but before I do… I’d like to bring up that at the outset of this experiment I said, “the better you look, the more you see” (Ellis, Bret Easton; “Glamorama”) and I came to find these words far more true than I initially hypothesized… Now I’ll turn it over to you true believer for one last (or, is it one more?) time to figure why I believe that quote adequately sums up this entire show, because I think the finding of the answer will allow you to

Weeks 5, 6 & 7

2008-09-25T19:39:00.002-07:00

Yep, chalk me up as absent-bloger-guy over the last few weeks. Why? Well, who really knows, I guess maybe I wanted to see if there was a reason for me to keep writing it, and if people actually read it. Which begs the question, is something worth writing if it isn't read? I don't have the answer, but my vow to not only myself but to those who actually take the time to read this is to keep pace with the show's release schedule. First off, folks out there who say they can't see the change in me... Are you even watching the show? 20lbs on anyone is a significant difference, I mean, what were you expecting anyway? We're keeping up-to-date and tight on the measurements and weigh-ins so my progress can be tracked and monitored. I've learned week-in and week-out that you can't please everyone, it's actually an impossible task, because someone somewhere just won't like what you're serving up. So, whatever, I mean, I've spent a lifetime being a people-pleaser and putting others in front of myself and I'm not gonna sweat it too much if I can't change the minds of a bunch of anonymous slanderers on the internet. I would like to thank the amount of legit support and generally interested inquiries I've received so far, and I've done my best to reply and be in good contact with people. "How have you changed, and how do you feel?" is one of the most common questions I get, and he simple answer is: "I've changed by attempting to minimize my weaknesses and maximize my positives, and I feel great!" To be perfectly honest, sometimes when I look in the mirror I still see the same guy that started out a few weeks back, even when everyone else around me is saying there's a definite noticeable difference. For the most part now, though, I'm starting to see the person who, in my head, I've wanted to be. There's still a big hill to climb and I still have huge obstacles to overcome, but for the first 7 weeks I think I'm doing pretty damn good all things considered. My concern is that I may loose focus, because if too many good things are happening at once and I grow content with my current state then I won't have the same urge to continue to improve at the rate I've been improving at. So, in order to counteract that lineage of thought I need to keep active and keep focused at the task at hand knowing that I'll be able to reap the benefits AFTER the hard work has paid off, and that my primary goal is working out, eating right, and being active. I have to keep reminding myself to keep my head in the game and keep up a solid 3-2-0 forecheck while maintaining a standard defensive presence. Rocknroll.

Most & Least Favorite Character POLL!

2008-08-18T22:18:00.000-07:00

Hey folks,

We want to know what YOU think! Let us know who your favorite and least favorite characters in the show are. Who do you want to see more of, and who do you want to see less of? Also, what questions do you want answered, and what subjects further explored? Let us know!

Here is the list of characters in the series so far, in order of appearance:

Peter
Davin Tonye
Kostamatic/Mr. Fantastic
Kel-Bear
J-Rock
Sugar Shane
Sugar Babies
Big Bear
Whitney Brittany
Tony-Robo-Cop
Runaway Taylor
Nadaaita
Big Red
Mistress Mika
Rickter Scale
Tanning Salon Girl

Weeks 3 & 4

2008-08-17T22:25:00.000-07:00

The following opinions are my own, but you may come to find that they're yours too. See, I'm not a body builder. I don't want to be a body builder. I'm not a professional athlete, and though, I think that the life of a professional athlete is alluring I think that trying to go pro without any formal amateur training and experience could be considered laughable at this point, but, I suppose stranger things have happened. It's not on the agenda in any event. I've learned recently that people are very protective of things they're fond of or relate to. I'm the same way, I just approach it differently, I suppose, and though like everyone, I have my shortcomings and aspects of my personality could be improved upon I consider myself to have a non-typical view of the world and people. We're manipulated, we're all subject to conforming to a stereotype whether we realize it or not, and that often makes things predictable and boring. So, shake things up, make a change. Challenge people and their beliefs. I'm not saying attack what people think and believe, because that's wrong to do. I'm suggesting that being informed and playing Devil's Advocate isn't necessarily a bad thing if it makes someone more open minded. I have come to terms that this journey will be controversial, and to some I'll be a hero and to other's I'll be the villain. It's all a matter of perspective. Weeks 3 and 4 have been very dynamic. Putting me through a wide range of emotions, just like any good scripted show would have anyway. At the end of Week 3 I had great gains and were feeling amazing, confident, and happy. For the first time in my life I was becoming comfortable in my skin, not having to worry about being shirtless or concerned that someone will make fun of me for being too skinny or gross or something. Then, as fate would have it, the stomach flu went around the house due to some bad milk and I lost all my water weight and wound up back around the 145 mark, which is still considered an improvement for sure. Thus showing that our methodology of low-pill intake to minimize potential negative affects, and a healthy full balanced diet with a strict workout regimen is working. By the end of the week I had re-hit the 150lbs mark and couldn't of been happier going into the big premiere weekend. I have a fabled history of having unsuccessful birthday party events, somehow, every year they just don't work out. This year, however, it was an amazing success! The amount of support I'm receiving is unbelievable. People love the show and think that me getting healthier is a very smart decision. Some are afraid that I will turn into a "meat-head" and will forget who I was before this project, and, I understand the concern but I'd like to assure those people that what we're trying to accomplish is a physical and health improvement, not a complete overhaul to all aspects of my personality. We're trying to maximize my strength and minimize my weaknesses. I'll be the "same guy", I'll just be happy with myself for the first time in a very, very, very long time. We should all strive for greatness, and though greatness is a relative term, I have a very specific and personal list of what I wish to obtain to, for me, be as great as I can be. We still have so much work to do, though, and it's nice to celebrate but there's a long road ahead. With 10 episodes remaining on the broadcast schedule, and 8 weeks remaining in the program, it's a lot for a small 3-man-crew to undertake!

Podcast

2008-08-07T16:16:00.000-07:00

Steroids Saved My Life is now available through iTunes as a podcast! Just search for steroids and you will find us.

Week 2

2008-07-20T13:45:00.000-07:00

So, the hurdle of week one has come and gone, and it still seems very much like yesterday that this improbable scheme was hatched. After a much needed rest filled weekend I set out on improving and advancing from the previous week's lessons and gains. Again, I struggled with proper form and my significant lack of any real mass to build upon which was very frustrating. I don't like doing things wrong. I'd rather not do something than do it wrong, you know? The weigh-ins were also disappointing early on, because I had either lost previously gained weight or stayed dormant within a small fluctuation of less than a pound. At this point, any improvement is a big improvement for me. I'm an impatient person, and I'm also a realist. I'm always fully aware of the particulars of a situation, and why a set of emotions are accurate or inaccurate, but that doesn't stop my basic human urge to want and want NOW. Many people are of the opinion that good things come to those who wait, well, I'd argue that great things come to those who take them. I understand that this is a process, and even with the luxury of having a 12-week webavision show to really nail down the time frame I still find myself sometimes in near desperation for results. I have a great fear that we'll reach the finale of our experiment and I'll not be satisfied, not be complete. So, I tell myself to push myself as much as I can, to be as good as I can be during this time. I've come to terms that, like any good scripted drama, my adventure will have numerous ups and downs. In fact, you'll note that life often operates more like scripted drama than we would like to admit. Case in point: By the end of the week I had reached my largest weight as of yet, and I was very happy. Our initial time-line goal was to have me at 150lbs by Aug 3 (my birthday/website premiere) and now it looks like that is more than an achievable target. On the food front, I've been eating a large amount of the protein bars (many of which are really delicious), and drinking the protein milk shakes. No new "real foods", though. In truth, I'd prefer eating the bars and drinking the shakes than eating "real food" that I know I won't like anyway, but that doesn't help me in my quest to be able to eat a "normal" meal in a nice restaurant. One thing at a time, I guess. Oh, and Shane and I continued our work on Z's farm. Doing some good old fashioned work (and getting a tan, of course). Now, Nenad told me to find some old jeans to wear, and I did, and they're terrible and amazingly funny. We got some sold B-roll footage of me 'in action' to further my geek-tacular stereotype we've been building up so far, for dramatic purposes only I assure you. Those jeans will be semi-retired next week in favor of some equally hysterical 80's style jeans complete with rips (I think they were my old road-hockey jeans the more I think of it)! Kelly has been absolutely wonderful making the three of us lunch every day, and specifically putting up with my picky and slowness is greatly appreciated! This week was odd, where it started off fast and then wound up being quite slow and we were exhausted after staying up for to watch 'The Dark Knight' midnight IMAX screening (a fantastic movie, but surprisingly flawed and certainly not the modern masterpiece some are claiming it to be). Well, stay tuned true believers, things are good so far, hopefully next week things really start to heat up!

Week 1

2008-07-15T22:33:00.000-07:00

Monday July 7th 2008, I suppose, will be a day of personal infamy. Nothing particularly exceptional or unprecedented was accomplished, not by normal standards. The seeds of a better future with far greater potential was introduced in quite an inauspicious manner: a tiny pink pill, not unlike the proverbial planted seed.

I've never smoked a cigarette, never done a recreational or party drug, and only consume alcohol rarely and mildly. I'm a pretty clean-cut individual, and am generally considered a pretty stand up guy. I've spent a quarter of a lifetime taking only calculated risks, and I suppose, this is no different. It's a calculated risk, because in my opinion, the juice is worth the squeeze (pun intended).

Being at the gym 5 days a week for the next 12 weeks is a daunting venture to sign up for, especially having everything be recorded and immortalized on reality-tv, and knowing I'll have to deal with a number of deeply rooted personal issues along the way. But, hey, it'll be a neat little experiment at the very least, even if my inner-most demons are set out for the world to see. People deal with things in different ways, I guess, and my forum of choice is the media. I had a previous attempt at the gym in University with two good friends and while we had fun and I enjoyed seeing what the gym had to offer, there weren't any noticeable results and along the way things came up and we went less and less, and the dream went back into hibernation.

Before I begin with how the first week went, I have to give some thanks. See, the opportunity to live two dreams (Having a great body while being healthy, and being on reality-tv) in one fell swoop came from someone who I've known for just a little over a year, but has quickly became one of the best friends I've ever had: The Producer/Director of this experiment Nenad. Likewise, the Cinematographer/Editor of this project Shane, whom I've known for just over a year as well, has also become one of my best friends ever. It might seem strange that I would value and respect the friendship, opinions, and advice from two guys who I've known for a relatively short amount of time in comparison to other friends who I've known for years, but to me people are people and one's level of friendship shouldn't have much to do with how long you've known them inrelation to someone else. So, to those two who are helping and guiding me through this, as well as doing the workout routines as well to get in shape, I'd like to send out my sincerest appreciation. Oh, and I can't forget to mention Nenad's girlfriend Kelly who has been an awesome e-mail buddy with some great advice for me, as well as making lunch for everyone after the gym! We couldn't do it without you!

The first day was met with excitement. A new chapter, a new season, something to get me out of bed in the morning. A new story to tell. The first thing I learned is that I'm terrible at form, which is crucial in aproper workout. The second thing I learned is that I'm even weaker than we thought. The third thing I learned is that my muscles and body will have no choice to grow, because, as Nenad puts it, they've been dormant for almost 22 years and are now ready to explode! The fourth thing I learned is, well, something I already knew in that I can walk really fast and cardio isn't a problem for me at all. Anyway, on the first day I weighed in at an astonishing 138lbs with a 6.7% body fat. I'm 6'1" for those of you scoring at home. In the next two-ish days I met my first bout with frustration much earlier than anticipated. See, it all got to me, you know. The potential impact of my decision, the long road ahead, that I was already having a hard time with the workouts, getting a hug from someone and being called "too bony". I mean, what if it doesn't work? What if I'm stuck this way forever or any number of bad things. I questioned everything, but, in the end decided that this is right for me at this point in my life. It's time to grab out and take what I feel I've always deserved, to be the person I've always wanted to be... Always should have been. So, by the end of the week, sure, the gym problems were still there: I'm not strong, I've got little to no muscle to build off of, I have bad form, and I feel embarrassed ALWAYS being the smallest guy there. I keep telling myself that it doesn't matter about that stuff no, what matters is the results I have from sticking with it and giving it all I've got over the remaining 11 weeks of the program. At the end of the week I was 143lbs with 7.8% body fat. That's a pound a day! I tried a few new foods, but didn't really like any of them that much, and I found in a few different places the reassurance I needed early on to keep with it and to remind myself why. The weekend held some much needed rest and sleep periods, and with week 2 on the horizon I've decided to push myself harder and further. I've taken the first few very large steps... I expect many twists and turns along the way, like in any good show. But, for now, I'm feeling better and I'm looking to the future!

PROLOGUE

2008-07-07T21:52:00.000-07:00

Steroids. The word itself evokes a range of thoughts, opinions, and philosophies. Most of them negative in nature and typically fueled with uneducated or uninformed stereotypes, many of which are either untrue, only partially true, or apply to a few of the hundreds of different kinds of supplements. The hard truth of the matter is really quite simple and applies universally to a wide range of substances from soft drinks to party drugs, in that abuse of something will ultimately lead to bodily damage. So, just the same as a steroid, an approved body building supplement that any consumer can purchase at a general health store used aggressively, without the proper precautions, or overindulged in can render a negative effect.

Here's the thing, being healthy and fit is how we're supposed to be. That's what we're told is the best thing for us. Not too skinny, or not too fat. Somewhere in the middle, somewhere "normal". Well, "normal" isn't exactly normal anymore. We live in an age where people come in all shapes and sizes, participate in physical activity to varying degrees, and engage in all sorts of entertainment mediums. Ideally, people should be able to live and look how they desire, just as long as they are healthy and have the means (read: money) to do as much or as little to their individuall ikings. So, I ask you: If one isn't healthy or content with their image and wishes to better themselves with the means to do it, what rational argument can be rendered to sway that person from making those adjustments?

Hum? That's what I thought.

I made the decision to improve my body's health and look due to a number of factors, the most prominent of which was the almost 22 years spent being too slender and possessing a very little amount of strength; regarded as physically unappealing and awkward for being skinny despite my occasionally handsome visage; constantly not taken seriously because of all the connotations associated with skinny guys, until I dazzle people with my wit and charm, of course; and, as "emo" as its likely to sound: being mostly alone. Sure, there have been a few girls along the way who succumbed to my charms, but somehow things always turned south and didn't work out. A lot of the time the largest contributing factor to these half-succesful or unsuccessful pursuits is confidence, because, well, I don't have much due to a lifetime of being the joke, being the funny guy, being the "good friend", being that smart well-dressed guy, or just being the weird guy. Don't get me wrong, I've become very accustomed to the role I fill, I mean, everyone's got one, and I do mine quite well. It's easy to play off the expectations that people have of me, simply because I'm aware of all of them and know how to manipulate many situations in my favor because of it. Like any armor one might have, there will always be kinks or holes, and mine can be exposed in any number of pressure situations that take me far from my comfort zone. We all have a set of defense mechanisms that are employed when a situation isn't going in our favor or we feel uncomfortable, and we choose to attack these problems in a variety of ways, sometimes in the process even hurting us more than we would like.

Many people argue that others should like you for who you are, and if they don't then you don't need their friendship. Well, what if you don't like everything about yourself? But, wait, you're saying that everyone has things about themselves they hate, that's the human condition. So... We should just accept our shortcomings, come to terms that we're not as complete as we could be? Oh... Okay.

No, sorry.

People should be happy, especially when it comes to themselves. So, while I certainly wouldn't go as far as to say something as extreme as "I hate myself", because intellectually I'm content, but physically I feel like there's much to improve and that those improvements will only help me, only make me a better person, and only make my life more enjoyable than if I settled with mediocrity and resigned to being skinny for the rest of my life. We should all aspire to obtain as much knowledge that we can get our hands on, and likewise should aspire to look the best we can. Our society is obsessively driven by the image, so why shouldn't one want to capitalize on that?

I guess it's all in the motivation, the why. Because people do things for vastly different reasons, and I fully expect a large quantity of folks to judge my rationality to improve my health and body as "the wrong one". We've been conditioned to think and act in a particular way, to settle for the average and not take chances or risks because we're afraid of the outcome. I find this unacceptable. We're all manipulated by the media, we're all swayed in some fashion to have a certain opinion on a subject and it's our upbringing and subsequent surroundings that, to a large degree, mold our pre-dispositions. So, when something comes along to challenge those conventions the standard reaction is to attack and bury it before it catches on.

Let me be clear, I'm not advocating the reckless usage steroids for under-weight males as a trend or a fad, but I'm also not dismissing the idea that under the right circumstances for the right type of individual it might not be the worst choice a person could make along with research and a well-rounded diet coupled with a steady gym routine.

One thing that I have struggled with my entire life is diet. I am a self-described "extremely picky eater". Any new person I meet usually describes my choices in what I will and will not eat and the reasons behind it, as random, illogical and complicated. My eating issues are deeply rooted psychologically and, you can ask anyone who knows me, getting me to try something new is a CHALLENGE, usually resulting in along and drawn out process where most of the time I wind up not liking the food anyway, but I'd by lying if I said I hadn't already pre-determined that I wasn't going to like it before it enters my mouth. In fact, I'll decide whether I'll like something by it's look and smell. You're probably thinking: Trying something new is as easy as putting it in your mouth, chewing and swallowing. Well, you're completely wrong. It's simply not that simple, and therein lies a large problem for me, because, you see, girls don't usually like it when a guy is picky with his food. It sends the wrong signals. It creates issues internally, because if I'm going out to dinner with my friends then where we go is always on the back of my mind. I don't try to cause a fuss about it because I don't want to be treated "special" or always go to the same place, so I'll go along and usually I can find some "Peter-food" on the menu to eat, but when everyone else is eating real food I suddenly feel incredibly out of place and wind up quiet and uninvolved with the proceedings. People will suggest that I ask the staff to prepare something special for me, and I always protest, because it's my contention that even though I have this issue with foods I shouldn't receive special attention because I won't eat what everyone else is eating. I will always make due with whatever I can find, or in some cases just not eat at all whether I'm hungry or not. Yeah, it's a problem and I'm aware of all of it inside and out. I know myself very, very well. Guess what though, the steroids make me hungry, make me want protein, and compel me to eat foods in situations where in any other circumstance I just wouldn't. So, for the next 12 weeks I'll be trying a lot of new foods, because it's part of the program. Admittedly, the likelihood of me continuing to eat a majority of these new foods introduced is very slim, but the most important thing is chipping away at the psychological bind I have over not trying new foods period. People often ask me if I'm a vegetarian, and I'd love to just say "Yes", because it's something people are comfortable with and is a suitable reason as to why I don't eat a variety of foods. The problem is that vegetarian meals don't look appealing to me, and I do eat chicken (heavily dependent on how it's prepared and presented, because you see, all chicken is not the same), bacon, and small amounts of turkey. Plus, I love milk and cheese. So, the vegetarian excuse wouldn't work for me. What I normally end up doing is trying to make a joke about my eating habits before others have the opportunity to, so, like, it's almost as if by calling attention to it myself and making light of it, the impact of the jokes from other people are lessened. Numerous times I've played the "What will you eat?" game, where people will just list off foods and I'll give the 'Yes' or 'No' answer, and with some foods there follows a rational as to why or why not.

So, I'm about to embark on a 12 week journey of radical change. I like myself, and by the end of all this I hope to love myself. I'm going to change the perception that people have of me, to improve it. It's not that I don't have friends or something absurd like that, I have many friends that I care and respect deeply, a lot of them would probably say that they like me the way I am, that I don't need to change. But, in essence, what I'm doing is taking everything that is good and bettering it, and focusing on everything that is bad and giving it a significant upgrade. To be the best I can be. Come along with an open mind and see me on this website andf ollow my progress, my ups and downs, and my gains and losses over the next while. We call it "Steroids Saved My Life", and if I'm better for it by the end, hopefully you'll agree with my decision. After all...

The Better You Look, The More You See.