PROLOGUE

Steroids. The word itself evokes a range of thoughts, opinions, and philosophies. Most of them negative in nature and typically fueled with uneducated or uninformed stereotypes, many of which are either untrue, only partially true, or apply to a few of the hundreds of different kinds of supplements. The hard truth of the matter is really quite simple and applies universally to a wide range of substances from soft drinks to party drugs, in that abuse of something will ultimately lead to bodily damage. So, just the same as a steroid, an approved body building supplement that any consumer can purchase at a general health store used aggressively, without the proper precautions, or overindulged in can render a negative effect.

Here's the thing, being healthy and fit is how we're supposed to be. That's what we're told is the best thing for us. Not too skinny, or not too fat. Somewhere in the middle, somewhere "normal". Well, "normal" isn't exactly normal anymore. We live in an age where people come in all shapes and sizes, participate in physical activity to varying degrees, and engage in all sorts of entertainment mediums. Ideally, people should be able to live and look how they desire, just as long as they are healthy and have the means (read: money) to do as much or as little to their individuall ikings. So, I ask you: If one isn't healthy or content with their image and wishes to better themselves with the means to do it, what rational argument can be rendered to sway that person from making those adjustments?

Hum? That's what I thought.

I made the decision to improve my body's health and look due to a number of factors, the most prominent of which was the almost 22 years spent being too slender and possessing a very little amount of strength; regarded as physically unappealing and awkward for being skinny despite my occasionally handsome visage; constantly not taken seriously because of all the connotations associated with skinny guys, until I dazzle people with my wit and charm, of course; and, as "emo" as its likely to sound: being mostly alone. Sure, there have been a few girls along the way who succumbed to my charms, but somehow things always turned south and didn't work out. A lot of the time the largest contributing factor to these half-succesful or unsuccessful pursuits is confidence, because, well, I don't have much due to a lifetime of being the joke, being the funny guy, being the "good friend", being that smart well-dressed guy, or just being the weird guy. Don't get me wrong, I've become very accustomed to the role I fill, I mean, everyone's got one, and I do mine quite well. It's easy to play off the expectations that people have of me, simply because I'm aware of all of them and know how to manipulate many situations in my favor because of it. Like any armor one might have, there will always be kinks or holes, and mine can be exposed in any number of pressure situations that take me far from my comfort zone. We all have a set of defense mechanisms that are employed when a situation isn't going in our favor or we feel uncomfortable, and we choose to attack these problems in a variety of ways, sometimes in the process even hurting us more than we would like.

Many people argue that others should like you for who you are, and if they don't then you don't need their friendship. Well, what if you don't like everything about yourself? But, wait, you're saying that everyone has things about themselves they hate, that's the human condition. So... We should just accept our shortcomings, come to terms that we're not as complete as we could be? Oh... Okay.

No, sorry.

People should be happy, especially when it comes to themselves. So, while I certainly wouldn't go as far as to say something as extreme as "I hate myself", because intellectually I'm content, but physically I feel like there's much to improve and that those improvements will only help me, only make me a better person, and only make my life more enjoyable than if I settled with mediocrity and resigned to being skinny for the rest of my life. We should all aspire to obtain as much knowledge that we can get our hands on, and likewise should aspire to look the best we can. Our society is obsessively driven by the image, so why shouldn't one want to capitalize on that?

I guess it's all in the motivation, the why. Because people do things for vastly different reasons, and I fully expect a large quantity of folks to judge my rationality to improve my health and body as "the wrong one". We've been conditioned to think and act in a particular way, to settle for the average and not take chances or risks because we're afraid of the outcome. I find this unacceptable. We're all manipulated by the media, we're all swayed in some fashion to have a certain opinion on a subject and it's our upbringing and subsequent surroundings that, to a large degree, mold our pre-dispositions. So, when something comes along to challenge those conventions the standard reaction is to attack and bury it before it catches on.

Let me be clear, I'm not advocating the reckless usage steroids for under-weight males as a trend or a fad, but I'm also not dismissing the idea that under the right circumstances for the right type of individual it might not be the worst choice a person could make along with research and a well-rounded diet coupled with a steady gym routine.

One thing that I have struggled with my entire life is diet. I am a self-described "extremely picky eater". Any new person I meet usually describes my choices in what I will and will not eat and the reasons behind it, as random, illogical and complicated. My eating issues are deeply rooted psychologically and, you can ask anyone who knows me, getting me to try something new is a CHALLENGE, usually resulting in along and drawn out process where most of the time I wind up not liking the food anyway, but I'd by lying if I said I hadn't already pre-determined that I wasn't going to like it before it enters my mouth. In fact, I'll decide whether I'll like something by it's look and smell. You're probably thinking: Trying something new is as easy as putting it in your mouth, chewing and swallowing. Well, you're completely wrong. It's simply not that simple, and therein lies a large problem for me, because, you see, girls don't usually like it when a guy is picky with his food. It sends the wrong signals. It creates issues internally, because if I'm going out to dinner with my friends then where we go is always on the back of my mind. I don't try to cause a fuss about it because I don't want to be treated "special" or always go to the same place, so I'll go along and usually I can find some "Peter-food" on the menu to eat, but when everyone else is eating real food I suddenly feel incredibly out of place and wind up quiet and uninvolved with the proceedings. People will suggest that I ask the staff to prepare something special for me, and I always protest, because it's my contention that even though I have this issue with foods I shouldn't receive special attention because I won't eat what everyone else is eating. I will always make due with whatever I can find, or in some cases just not eat at all whether I'm hungry or not. Yeah, it's a problem and I'm aware of all of it inside and out. I know myself very, very well. Guess what though, the steroids make me hungry, make me want protein, and compel me to eat foods in situations where in any other circumstance I just wouldn't. So, for the next 12 weeks I'll be trying a lot of new foods, because it's part of the program. Admittedly, the likelihood of me continuing to eat a majority of these new foods introduced is very slim, but the most important thing is chipping away at the psychological bind I have over not trying new foods period. People often ask me if I'm a vegetarian, and I'd love to just say "Yes", because it's something people are comfortable with and is a suitable reason as to why I don't eat a variety of foods. The problem is that vegetarian meals don't look appealing to me, and I do eat chicken (heavily dependent on how it's prepared and presented, because you see, all chicken is not the same), bacon, and small amounts of turkey. Plus, I love milk and cheese. So, the vegetarian excuse wouldn't work for me. What I normally end up doing is trying to make a joke about my eating habits before others have the opportunity to, so, like, it's almost as if by calling attention to it myself and making light of it, the impact of the jokes from other people are lessened. Numerous times I've played the "What will you eat?" game, where people will just list off foods and I'll give the 'Yes' or 'No' answer, and with some foods there follows a rational as to why or why not.

So, I'm about to embark on a 12 week journey of radical change. I like myself, and by the end of all this I hope to love myself. I'm going to change the perception that people have of me, to improve it. It's not that I don't have friends or something absurd like that, I have many friends that I care and respect deeply, a lot of them would probably say that they like me the way I am, that I don't need to change. But, in essence, what I'm doing is taking everything that is good and bettering it, and focusing on everything that is bad and giving it a significant upgrade. To be the best I can be. Come along with an open mind and see me on this website andf ollow my progress, my ups and downs, and my gains and losses over the next while. We call it "Steroids Saved My Life", and if I'm better for it by the end, hopefully you'll agree with my decision. After all...

The Better You Look, The More You See.